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photo: Masayo Benoist

Saturday, October 2, 2010

missing

Loss is difficult. Just when I think I'm in full acceptance, the grief of my late friend hits me in the most intimate way, and it's shocking. I guess I still have a lot of growing to do, and that's life. Sometimes I savour the evolution of my inner world, and other times I just want the pain to go away.

Yesterday I was driving home and the emotions of the week were swirling in my head. Nothing major, just little things that Cindy and I enjoyed discussing. It would be, "I want to tell you about this," then we'd say the story and then the other would ask, "okay, and how are you doing with that?" or "how did you feel about it?" Our own private therapy session that we both relished and saved up for when we had time to dig in. Those talks were often when she was in her office and I was driving home from work on Friday afternoons. That's when the tears still come, driving home on Friday afternoons.

My favorite times were when one of us really needed the talk, some small crisis would arise and the other wouldn't really have time to talk about ourselves. Those were the times that our connection kicked into high gear. The love and support was so deeply felt, the vulnerability of sharing simply melded our hearts. How rare is intimacy such as this! When it was my turn to have a melt-down and our time would run out, I'd apologize for hogging up all the conversation and she'd say, "no, I'm okay, I'm just glad I could talk you through this." And it was mutual when she needed the time. I always felt so honored to be her sounding board and confidante.

I'm looking forward to seeing Bruce's and her friends and family soon, but I guess it does remind me that I'm missing a major component in my life. "We have to lose people we love in life, how else would we know how important they are to us?" It was in a movie not worth watching, other than for that quote. It's true I guess, especially for people like me who learn the hard way. But I'm grateful to learn.