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| Dancing at Bhaktifest |
I arrived feeling road-dazed and a tiny bit lonely. The woman at the front desk was so welcoming, I booked my massage with the recommended “Carl” and walked around the grounds. As I sat overlooking the ocean, I rested my head back and above me circled a hummingbird. I breathed a little easier.
After orientation with Michael & Anneli, the leaders of the workshop, I knew I was right where I needed to be. Some of the other students had come from much farther, and with much more courage than it took for me. As much as I needed to be there for me, I needed to be there for them.
My first time in the renowned “clothing optional” hot springs, I was warned if I had a bathing suit on I would draw more attention to myself. I took a deep breath and was thankful I didn’t know anyone. I could tell there were other first-timers, and when others are in the same boat, it’s much easier. It’s a good metaphor for vulnerability, after all aren’t we most vulnerable when we’re naked?
By the first dance I knew I was home. The youngest of 7 girls, I grew up learning and reveling in the dances of my sisters. It was my time to connect and feel equal. The sisterhood translated at the workshop and the sense of community I felt was overwhelming. I let myself go, entrusted my fellow dancers with my true self, held nothing back. Being received and embraced for exactly who and where I am was so humbling and powerful.
It seemed like any time I started to feel alone, I would reach out to a new girlfriend, or she would reach out to me, and we’d chat and laugh and be still together. It was a lesson in Providence. When we humble ourselves and open our hearts, we will feel that sense of kinship that we so often crave.
By the time I had to say goodbye, I was heartsick. And yet I knew the change had happened inside of me. It wasn’t the new friends who made me whole, it was my own shift. My heart is gratefully open, and while it may ebb and flow, I would not have gotten here without the beautiful souls I met at Esalen.
