Toronto

I recently visited my late friend Cindy's family in her hometown near Toronto. I've been wanting to visit them, see where she spent her childhood since I lost her (and even before). So when a dance friend from that area told me she was hosting a 5Rhythms workshop on Light and Shadow, it was too poetic to pass up. I often felt like Shadow to Cindy's Light, often teased her that she uses her powers for Good not Evil. I planned this trip when I was in a good frame of mind, and by the time it came to leaving, a shadow was upon me and I didn't want to go.
Self-doubt had crept its way in, I wasn't sure if I would bring up the grief her loved ones had tried to get through.Two weeks before  I left, I dreamt I was asking her if I should go. She reassured me and simply said, "give them my love."
My time with her family was full of tears and laughter and I had an overwhelming feeling of her presence, of being healed and nurtured. I was humbled by the generous hospitality and openness with which I was met. That same spirit that nurtured a friendship so long ago.
While dancing with 100+ dancers and a teacher who has had her share of loss, I was able to identify the current shadow in which I find myself, inertia. Everything feels heavy, full of effort. It's not an energy I'm comfortable with, so getting in touch with it brought some relief.
While in the city, I was fortunate enough to be welcomed into another friend's parents' home. They live on Ward's Island in an art-filled, soul-feeding oasis. They are movers and shakers in their community and told me of the way they use theatre to open people up to new ideas and more responsible living. I came home so inspired, I registered for a carpool on http://www.octa.net and applied to a local college to take a creative writing class. Could I write a play that would honor the impact of Cindy in my life?
The heaviness is starting to lift, another cycle shifting its way in. I'm grateful for the flow.

dancing at Esalen

I have some reservations about sharing my experience last week at Gabrielle Roth’s workshop at Esalen. Partly because it was such an important week for me, partly because I know it’s not everyone’s cup of tea and I don’t want to come across preachy. Still, it’s important to acknowledge life’s wonders and my experience consisted of one little nugget of wisdom after another, sandwiched by Universe-winking miracles that make me laugh and cry just thinking about them.

The dance has always given me beautiful metaphors in a way my feeble mind can grasp, and this week was full of them. We can only make space for others when we’re moving, not stagnating. When we stay focused and centered, we can be more present for others. When breath and movement go hand in hand, we find our power and voice.  It’s okay to be uncomfortable in a relationship and stay to get more information, like why is it not right? Praying for and empathizing with people in our lives is healing for both parties. Giving someone our utmost attention is one of the biggest gifts we have to give.

I had tried to get into this workshop only to find it sold out, so when I got a call a week before it started, I was taken aback. Despite a fully scheduled week, the path cleared effortlessly for me to go. I happened upon a posting of someone needing a ride and getting to know her on the way up was fun and easy. My heart skipped a beat when she told me I reminded her of her late best friend whom she lost 2 years ago. Of course, she is a photographer. The next day I met another new bff whose life is leading him towards working with people who are grieving, something I know intimately. He gave me another nugget of wisdom, when we face our fears with courage, the gift we receive is peace in every cell of our bodies.

I am so deeply grateful for this experience, this healing. I know life is not always so kind to us, maybe this will be my reminder when my path becomes bumpy. Maybe I can help someone else on a difficult road while I’m centered and calm. As we all know, the only thing constant is change.